it's amazing how insecure i can get sometimes. it's amazing how i can talk myself in or out of various feelings or actions. it's amazing how i have convinced myself that i am doing the right thing. for me. for her.
or maybe that's just it. i haven't quite convinced myself of that.
maybe that's why insecurity rears it's ugly head from time to time. if i don't think. if i don't concentrate on anything for too long, i'm fine. if i just go with it. roll with the punches, as they say, i am fine.
but then days like this happen. when the "routine" is jostled and then. bam. i'm hit with a load of bricks. right in the heart. i start acting defensive and the wall starts to creep back up. i know it's a losing battle though. i can never rebuild the wall against her. she knows it too. which, i guess, is a good thing.
i've given her everything i can give. i've said all i can say. i've opened myself up and found things i didn't even know were there. she has all of me. i'm not quite sure if she realizes that. i'm also petrified she does, and that it's not enough.
man. i am crazy today! i am going to blame the hormones.