so, c is leaving on saturday. we haven't really talking about the implications of her leaving. of the feelings we both have about her leaving, moving halfway across the country, with her new gf. i don't think we will. not sure if we could honestly handle that. too many emotions would come out and we seem to pride ourselves on being very stoic in the others presence lately. sad that it has kind of come to this. we have a lot of good history. and the past year has basically been an excercise in balancing each of our new relationships, with the friendship we were trying to re-establish. it's been hard. and there has been a lot unsaid. and i think. that we will continue to grow apart. and that makes me sad. but we will always have the 6 years we spent as best friends and more. you can't discount that.
so, i am leaving her with a happy-driving-but-wait-i'm-gonna-miss-you-a-lot type of mix. that way, i'm almost saying it outloud everytime she listens.
i once made a tape for myself to drive home for xmas and the whole first side was firedoor. over and over. umm, yeah, not really sure what that says about me. anyway, anytime it came on when we were in the car, we'd always rewind and play it again (yeah, these were the days of tape decks in cars) and then i took to putting it on cds twice in a row for her. heh.
anyway.