i've been avoiding this blank white square for a bit now, because i'm not quite sure what to say. things have been great, things have been bad. things have been confusing and up in the air.
and it's not coming together in any coherence yet. i could write about a moment of happiness in the past week, or i could describe what it feels like to think your heart is being ripped out of your chest. but separately they don't tell the story of where i am right now.
hell, who am i kidding, i have NO idea where i am right now.
most importantly, i need to find somewhere to live. by sept. 1st. ack! i think this is the root of my stress and my inability to see things in anything but extremes.
bring on the melodrama.
she's withdrawing from me. just a little bit. and not in an emotional way, i don't think. but she's taking more time for her. which is great. and healthy. but it still leaves me wanting. we got into a groove. and now it's been upset. i think it's a step in the right direction, honestly. but the getting there will be tough.
i am disappointed, i guess, that this is not as easy as i think it should be. i wish that we could just be how we are when we are alone together. there are never any problems then. it's getting it all to fit into our lives which is the issue. we both want it to work. i know that. but neither of us really knows how.
i guess, keep waiting? but at this rate there will never be a good time.
there is nothing better than being in her arms. feeling her twitch right before she falls asleep. hearing her whisper "i love you" in my ear.