a weekend. a nice, relaxing weekend. if there was only one word i could use to describe it, i would use lazy. it was a lazy weekend, in all aspects. we were lazy in thought and in action.
we watched movies and got sucked into MTV. we cooked and ate, and relaxed and read. we went to watch some rugby. we walked 5+ miles and ate brunch with a random and entertaining group of people. we napped. we fought. we made up. and still made up a day later.
why is it so scary to fight with someone you are in love with? why can you at the same time be utterly fearful of what is going on, yet realize, somewhere deep down, that it's all going to be ok?
we fought. and then didn't speak. and were stubborn. we went for a run in the middle of the fight. and didn't speak for those 45 minutes either. but it felt good. to be running next to her, fuming, thinking, having a conversation with her in my head. we got home and sat in front of the TV for another 30 minutes, without a word. she showered and i lit candles and poured wine. i jumped in the shower when she was done, and minutes later she was in the bathroom, peeking around the curtain. she had her pouting face on and all she said was. "i don't like it when someone tells me what to do". the rest of the night was spent watching a movie and cuddling. . .but no resolve.
once in bed, i tried to talk to her. but she wasn't ready. she wouldn't answer me, she made me feel crazy. i told her as much. it makes me crazy, when you act like this, i said. she doesn't care. i almost left. i wanted to leave. but i couldn't. i knew it was all ok, we were both just dealing in our ways that are worlds apart. she asked what i wanted from her, and i replied 'apparently, too much'. and rolled over. she was quick to move and grab me. hold me tight. i cried. she told me she cared and didn't know how i put up with her. i have to, i said, there's nothing else that feels right.
then last night. after a walk and a nap, we watched a disney movie on TV and made pancakes for dinner.
everything was right.
there just something about a fight that shakes you both down, and then builds you both back up, that much stronger. and closer together.