an amazing weekend. a victory, elation and general team togetherness.
this, of course, included dancing and debauchery. . .but i was good.
there was just more of the same - and i can't tell now if we are just drawn to each other because we fit the other's personality, or if it is an actual attraction. all i know is that it is very hard to be not near her. and that she subtly shows up near me sometimes, mostly when i'm looking to see if i can show up next to her. but most of all, we can just sit and laugh and talk about nothing and finish each other's thoughts and catch each other's eyes and it's just weird because there hasn't been time enough for this. but her smile. that smile that seems like it is different when it is aimed at me. crooked and deliberate and like we're sharing a secret neither one of us can explain.
sat night ended with a sleepy cab ride and our arms hooked and hands rested on legs and by the end our hands found each other and it was drunken and simple but electric. and then we both jolted awake(ish) and the moment was gone.
that's the weird part. . .it all seems so subconscious. like we've known each other forever, and it's just natural.
it's nothing more than or different from other physical actions i would take with other good friends. but it is, because i think about it constantly, and think about why i am thinking about it and wonder if she thinks about it too, or if we're just destined to be best friends once this initial overwhelming connection plays out - with both of us unwilling to admit to it.
i'm hoping the more words i use to describe it, the faster it will dissolve into air.